All adults, but especially those of us who work with or parent children with challenging behavior, have, in our heads, some operating theory about specific children and their behavior. It might be something simple, like “he does that because he’s a brat,” or “she just does whatever she wants.” It might even be your belief that the child is inherently flawed. But our theories are often fused with our own emotions, usually negative ones, and can also be more about how we think children should act, or how we wish they would act. They also may reflect how we were parented, and how we like to think we were as children-which might be a bit biased. So there are a lot of assumptions and judgements involved in our responses to children’s challenging behavior-and it is our theories that drive our responses. But what drives their behavior-what are accurate theories that explain why a child explodes or regresses or ignores us or vanishes into a dreamworld? Often, the answer lies in the needs the child has that aren’t being met, and the skills they haven’t developed. When adults get mad at a child for having a need that we think they shouldn’t have, or for not having an ability we think they should have, the effect is an induced feeling of shame, followed by the child retreating from the adult in closeness and trust, and the effect is that the child has learned to hide their needs and lacked skills. This is self-repression, and it does not result in an emotionally healthy adult. Trauma-informed principles of care are teaching adults in children’s lives, as well as adults in adult’s lives, and children in adult’s lives, to help themselves and others to build their social-emotional skills. Because to be trauma-informed means to listen and connect with others, and to see the needs and the skills that need to be met and developed. That their behavior is telling us they need help with. They often need empathy and compassion, and to feel connected to us and to others. And then they can learn to identify what dysregulates them and what helps them get back on track.

Recently, I met with about a dozen Wisconsin-based afterschool trauma-informed advocates and experts through a project of the Wisconsin Afterschool Network to build a curriculum designed for afterschool staff. We all shared some of our best resources and knowledge and experiences around trauma for the benefit of the staff of Wisconsin’s afterschool programs, with a collective reach of probably thousands of children over the next 5 years. At one point, we remarked that the children of our state and our country, as well as the adults, seem to be riddled with trauma, compared to other first-world countries. I have often felt that the U.S. has become a trauma factory, for the incarcerated and those in poverty but also for those in the middle class and above. The opioid epidemic is Exhibit A. It cuts across socioeconomic spheres, and reveals the stress that many people are living with, whether from trauma or financial security concerns or just worries about where we are headed as a country. And children are watching us worry-they not only see but also internalize our stress, and it comes out in the most damaging, painful ways.

The Trauma-informed movement, and its connection to social-emotional learning and overall health and well-being, is a beacon and a warning to us all that we must have, and yet we currently don’t have, a society in which people feel safe and secure. For me, becoming trauma-informed and creating trauma-informed environments, schools and communities has never been more important work.